I had a brilliant idea last night after I did a shot of tequila—we should institute a standing date together and drink tequila. I really enjoy tequila. You know that great warmth you get from it? It’s like a hug from Jesus. A wonderful Mexican Jesus.
But I got to thinking today, while I hovered over my Campbells chicken soup, that this might not be a great idea. Side note: I don’t know why Campbells takes all this time to brag about all the salt they removed from their soup because I just add it right back. That shit tastes awful without salt. And we apparently don’t have pepper in the office otherwise I would have loaded it down.
Anyway, I figure that this is actually a bad idea because I don’t know about you but when I’m running hard down tequila alley I tend to get a little crazy. I’ve often heard tequila referred to as panty remover. Frankly, I don’t think tequila is gender specific. Tequila, the slut, goes both ways.
What I’m saying here is that I don’t want to get 6 shots in and see you starting to unbutton your shirt or twisting your moustache and giving me the googly eyes. I can see it happening in my mind and it scares the shit out of me. What if I can’t resist?
I am aware of how attractive you are under that douchey hipster exterior and I will admit some weakness for your pale blue eyes. And as far as temptation goes, you and I are not known for our ability to withstand… I just don’t think Tequila Thursdays are going to work.
Let’s take this a step further and just not ever drink together alone.
PS – I still haven’t opened that bottle of tequila you gave me and we should at least crack the bottle together. What are you doing on Tuesday?